maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan

So I have this friend who always calls, has no phone etiquette whatsoever and bugs the FUCK out of me. She asks the dumbest shit, probably because she doesn't listen to what I say, she only hears what I say. She always wants to talk about herself, then when she's wasted half of the phone conversation on her personal shit, she asks lame, obvious questions. Example: (I just told her I'm broke and it sucks that I can't buy my kids Christmas presents) So, um, are you done with your Christmas shopping yet? What did you buy Evan? My answer: Um, nothing. Hello?! I just said I'm broke! Duh. What am I gonna buy stuff with? My good looks?


The other day, she called at 8:21 am. I looked at the caller ID and rolled my eyes. I was changing my boys' morning diapers and getting the day started. I love her as a person, but dude, she has some annoying habits. I advised her once that there are medications and therapy out there for ppl with OCD. This girl cannot leave her phone alone. Constantly talking to someone and or texting. Anyway, she proceeded to call me again at 8:23 am then again at 8:40am, when I finally answered because I knew she wasn't gonna stop. I was holding the baby on my hip while preparing the older one's breakfast.


"Hello, what is your emergency? Do you need assistance in the form of a donation of blood for a transfusion where I'm your only match? Do you need my AAA? You alright?" I asked sarcastically.


She laughs. "Hey foo, guess what, I met this guy..."


What. the. fuck. Seriously?


"D, I'm sorry girl, but I can't talk right now. I'll ttyl ok?"


"Why? What are you doing? You can never talk to me. I just wanna tell you something. Hold on give me five minutes." she says.


Both kids are crying at this point. Big one wants his breakfast of "eggie" and the little one wants his "ba-ba."
I begin dealing with the kids, hoping she'll get the point. She doesn't.


"He drove all the way over here today to buy me breakfast. [It's 40 minutes from her] We fucked on Tuesday. We're going to a party on Saturday. Do you think he likes me?" she asks.


Really? Fuckin really? Oh shit, this girl is wasting my time and patience. Meanwhile, while I'm multi tasking, my messed up back starts to hurt, partly because it's injured and partly because the baby weighs 28lbs. Fat boy. I need a Vicodin...


"Well, what do you think? Do you think he likes you? IDK why you're asking me, D. I have no idea who the man is. You should know. Why do you ask me obvious questions, obvious man?" I'm losing it at this point...fuckin frivolous conversation.


She laughs.


"I love you, best of luck to you, but I gotta go." I say.


"WHY??? OMG Mo just talk to me! You never have time for me..."


"I can't wait til you have kids. Karma is a bitch. I'm sorry, but I don't have time to gossip and talk. I have my children to take care of..."


"Fine. Whatever. Oh but then I met this other guy..."


"D! I gotta go I don't have time why don't you get it you make me wanna kill myself because you completely disregard my time and disrespect my phone and assault my patience!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I proceed to hang up on her.


I get a text. MONTH. YOU. DONT. ALWAYS. HAVE. TO. BE. RUDE.


I hate it when ppl with Blackberry phones call me "Month."